Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Bring me that man meat
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
