sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
