I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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