PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
