mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
