i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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