haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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