don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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