East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
