I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
