Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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