I cockslap morals
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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