all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
