just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I party with great urgency now.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
