Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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