wrigley field is MILF paradise
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
