omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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