saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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