Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
