Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
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i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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