Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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