I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize