I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
