he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
