WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
