Who wears a wallet chain?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
