I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
