i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We talked him into tasing himself.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
