The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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