Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.

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(616): View more from Michigan

A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth

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(303): View more from Colorado

Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...

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(504): View more from Louisiana

It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.

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