you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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