it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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