I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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