rhymes with "ouble enetration"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
