There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
