sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
