Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
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It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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