just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
