Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
