Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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