So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
