Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
