We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
