Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
