apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
