He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
