I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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