No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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