God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
