we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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