my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
