hell yes lets make some ravioli
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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