yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
