hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
