i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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