We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
