That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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