dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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