I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
