What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
