You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
