He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
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She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
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I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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