Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize