bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
