Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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