You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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