i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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