I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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