Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
