Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
