new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
