you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
