So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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