worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
